I've been doing a lot of journaling and intense "brain dumping" in the last three weeks. And let me tell you, it's done a heck of a lot of good for me.
I realize I can't help everyone. I can't help every single person. It is impossible to please everyone, and I tend to be a people-pleaser. But here's what's going on.
Recently I've been reading more about my personality type. For around a year I've known I was an INFJ - Introvert, INtuition, Feeling, Judgment. (Judgment would be more about self-judgment in this case.) And it's true I have trouble adjusting to major changes or suddenly stressful situations.
So I've decided to reduce my stress by easing up on things.
I am learning new skills so I can create my products and work more independently and not need to depend on anyone else. I am learning how to use certain software and utilize techniques to facilitate independent creative work. I am not going to depend on someone else's schedule or agenda because I can do with less conflict.
Already I have mentioned I'm gearing up to be an authorpreneur. My workaholic tendencies can sometimes get the better of me, but I'd rather have that than a boss. I'm not accepting any client work now, not for at least another long while. When I know better what I can do, I can consider working for others, but I otherwise have only done excellent audio transcription as a freelancer and I'd now charge more for it than before, because my time is very valuable.
I am happier when I do entrepreneurial tasks that are congruent to who I am, what I like and what energizes me. So if I want to make journal books too, then I'll do that. I can still help more people without feeling like I'm worthless just because I don't do "real" work or have a "conventional" job. I will be helping others but in my more private, quiet way.
I apologize if this blog post feels somewhat of a mess. But I felt I had to update you and my other readers about what's going on, and it's not even everything. I'm taking a bit of time off to figure some things out and write some ideas out. It's very necessary... and right now I shouldn't deny myself this important period of healing and reflection.